It all started when Kia, the assistant manager, was teaching me how to make root beer floats while I was working at Dairy Queen. Over and over I ended up with a mess of bubbling cream coloured fizz cascading down the side of the cup. I tried various speeds of adding the ice cream. I varied the amount. I experimented with the order putting the ice cream in first and then adding the root beer. None of the variations made any difference. The end result was always a mess.
Kia, seeing my dilemma, came over beside me, took a fresh cup, filled it with root beer not too far from the top, and then pulled the draft armature on the soft serve. Slowly , and quietly, it descended into the root beer leaving no instantaneous chemical overflow .
As the ice cream slid into the cup, she said, without taking her eyes off of the contents, "You have to be one with the root beer." I was astounded. My whole focus had been on the the ice cream, trying to calculate the trajectory, the ratio of root beer to ice cream, or plop it in faster than the speed of the ballooning foam racing to the top of the cup.
Changing my focus to the root beer, watching the reaction, centering myself in the density and reaction of the carbonation, the ice cream became an easy addition. When finished, the two blended together in a marvelous new sweet treat that made for a most enjoyable consuming moment.
Early childhood educator that I was at the time, I tucked away the metaphor for parenting until the appropriate time. The time is now.
You read the books that tell you what to do. You read the books that tell you what your child is supposed to do. Nobody taught you the most important part. If your child is the root beer, and you and your instruction are the ice cream, the best approach is to be one with the root beer.
Engage with your child. Lock lasers. Tracking beam. Slip into their consciousness. Watch, observe, gaze into their eyes closely. Turn on the empathy button. Listen and look. Be one with the root beer.
That's the start. That's the beginning. Just try that for an hour. If you do, you will find the root beer relaxes. Your child will engage right back. Communication is easier. Responding is easier. Negotiating is easier. Play is easier. Getting from point A to point B is easier. Parenting is easier.
Try it. Instead of focusing on what you are doing and the input you are giving, watch the root beer. Engage with your child.
Love
Deborah
About Me
- The Social Contemplative
- What does it mean to be a social contemplative? A person who has spent a lot of time reflecting on a very busy life with diverse experiences that have , in spite of herself, yielded a lot of wisdom she wishes to pass on to others. Deborah loves people but recharges her batteries alone. Sitting in the presence of her own life is mandatory. Reflection and centering happen in the midst of the whirl of a populated world. Born on the East Coast, living all her adult life on the West Coast she is a hybrid of cultures. She is a mom, a writer, and a teacher who sings, reads and swims for fun. And yes she is ordained, but don’t hold that against her. She believes we are more than conquerors and most days there’s a smile on her face because she deals with life in real time. She’s a whole lot funnier than this description makes her sound. Lastly, it’s important to know she’s a paper and pencil gal in a digital world.