A noun and a Verb

It's that glitch in the stomach as you feel your child, from birth to eighteen, suddenly assert themselves in ways that seem beyond your negotiating power. That's the slip that usually thrusts parenting techniques into full throttle. Instead, take a breath when that moment comes. Count to three for yourself, and simplify your impulse to a noun and verb. As the toddler dashes for the door beyond the speed you can muster, the preteen drifts away in their own activity, the teenager ramps up the attack of how awful a parent you are, simplify your language to a noun and a verb.

Coat on. Look in my eyes. I'm listening. Their emotions are dashing away from them. Their brains are engaged elsewhere. Their desire exceeds their ability to bring everything to fruition. Take the high road, the engaged road , with a simple sentence. Noun and verb.

Not only does it have a greater chance of hitting a spot of engagement and turning the situation around, it reminds you you're the adult. It also offers them the opportunity to approach you, because it simplifies the path to turn to you.

Repeat the sentence. Find two similar simple words if the first two don't lock on. When the final moment of engagement comes, and dialogue and the healthy unity towards a common goal begins, there's less clean up. Less foam in your lap from ice cream that was put in too fast in too great a quantity.

Kids feel safe around wise parents. When they feel safe, they slow down and engage. Wise people always speak very little. They have distilled the essence of truth to a noun and a verb.

Try it. Let me know what happens.
Love
Deborah

Following Along

The rhythm of my days is incredibly slow. Following along behind two toddlers, engaging, extending and encouraging is akin to watching a ripple flow to the edge of the lake. To them, life is happening at warp speed. To me, watching paint dry would be an increase in velocity.

But I love it. As I dash out of town tonight, painfully aware I wanted to put two posts up and am only just starting one now, I think of the speed with which I have accomplished things today. The brakes eroded down to the little thingy that makes them signal they are worn this last weekend. Cramming in a fix it session in the middle of the juggling of work when I am the one who makes everyone else's life smooth, then dashing home to do the tail end of chores, make phone calls saying I'd be in touch when I got back I was painfully aware that actually I LIKE the toddler timetable.

Yesterday I spent an hour with four pudgy hands manipulating playdo like they were creating the earth for the first time. There was the wonder of making the little strips actually come out of the top of the plastic boys head, and the marvel of a rolling pin making everything flat. As if that was not enough to dazzle the tiny crowd, the words 'cookie cutter' says it all.

That following of the fascinating world of exploration I am forced to do adds the dynamic of wonder to my life everyday. I love it.

Several people have remarked about my opening post in relationship to teenagers. Well, separate thoughts later, but as for engaging, the act of following is more important than ever. You follow, they share when they're ready. You're right there. And what do you do while you're watching them? Lots and lots of self nurture. Like the old Timex watch , you have to take a lickin' and keep on tickin'.

The dryer is done. The handwash is waiting. As I recline in my airplane seat at 36,000 feet tomorrow with a nice hot cup of tea after a good nap, I will affirm to myself again. Slow has much to offer. Following is the best way to lead.
Love
Deborah