Engaging Childhood

I heard a talk radio show today asking for feedback about some parenting strategy that has found new interest. It involves 'giving the illusion of choices'.  

Trickery. Are you parenting by giving trickery a part in your interactions with your children? If children are given 'illusions of choices' when they are little, they will not recognize 'real choices' when they are tweeners, teens and then young adults.

You set the tone for what kind of choices your child will recognize in the future and how they will respond.

 And here's the other thing.  You don't need to manipulate your child. What you need to do is learn who your child is and then sit in the space of how he operates and translate his choices for him. 

There is no magic to raising children. There is only real hard, engaging work. 

A short one today. But deep...Leave a comment. Tell me what you think.

Love

Deborah

Sit Down

I don't think I told you the best trick of all yet. It's a trick for you and a trick for your kids. When you feel overwhelmed or the kids aren't listening to you or there is something wrong and you're about to take it out on the kids, SIT DOWN ON THE FLOOR.

Yessireee that is the best advice any parent can be given. You know what happens? Instantly things get better. The kids relax immediately because it's a sign of engagement for them. You relax immediately because you can't move in some fruitless direction. Then the kids become a little happier and start doing things like putting there hands on your face and turning it in their direction which emits that lovely spontaneous bonding moment of ' oh my kid loves me'. and thus the dance becomes a waltz instead of a tug o' war.

Can this work with tweens and teens? Yes... but it makes more sense to them if you have a bag of chips in your hands. Raw carrots and dip works too but that may not be such a spontaneous moment.

There are times words don't work. There are times you have to just change your body position. Take yourself out of play and into play instead if you know what I mean.
There's always a chance for the reset button to work. But remember it takes time to reboot after you hit the reset button. Don't rush it. When you feel that urge to get back up, take two more minutes and breath deeply.
It's all good . It all gets better.
And if by chance you just stay on the floor. There's a blessing in that too.
Enjoy...
Love,
Deborah

The Power of 'Yes'

Perhaps it's because I've a new crowd of teenagers with whom I'm hanging out lately or the four year olds making life more glittery and fun lately, but I've been noticing the stark difference between 'yes' and 'no' lately.

Saying 'yes' to your child is the most important word you can give them.

It affirms their ideas. It clarifies the power they feel to make decisions, have good ideas and foster relationships.

Reaching for 'yes' as the default mode in conversations and negotiations with your children will light up their day.

So, simply put, a simple nugget for today, when you are on the fly and movin' fast through your day, take the time to slow down and say 'yes'.  Saying 'yes' means you may have to find the piece of the conversation you can affirm. It means you may have to find the part of their idea or request to which you can say 'yes'.

By becoming 'yes' parents, we teach our children to say 'yes' to themselves, to new adventures, to the good in life.

Too much parenting info in placed in the instructional value of saying 'no'.  The proper way to say 'no' is to figure out that part to which you can say 'yes'.

Try it for a day... a week .  See how the shift into the positive and the affirmative feels.
Love
Deborah