Just a tidbit today;something to make things easier I hope. After you have given your child an instruction, take five minutes to let them deal with it. Think of it. How many times has someone asked or told you to do something and you stall... just a little... just until you can own the idea as your own. That's what your child is doing.
Give your child a few minutes to own the thought as his or her own. It will keep you out of the power struggle. It will help you reframe the question as something they can consider. Yes, there are times when it will be necessary to say 'because I said so' and certainly we want to help our children be responsive to directions without having to question absolutely everything. But before you go for the push, help them learn to trust you and build a relationship as they receive your directions.
Example...( after the requisite five and three minute warnings). "It's time to put ( whatever) away. --beat,beat,beat-- 'Can you think of a way that you can tell yourself it's time to stop?''
Better cue.
Try it....
Love,
Deborah
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Speed parenting
This last week I was in bed fighting off the germs caught from several of my lovely dripping charges. Whereas twenty years ago I thought I would never know a moment alone again.......now... it is amazing to me that I can go hours on end here at home with no one asking for anything, sharing anything, or just checking to make sure I'm still here.
Moments that seemed so intense I thought time had stopped, decisions that seemed so weighty I thought the world's gravitational pulled relied on them, encounters so significant I envisioned ruining my childrens' adult lives if I did not make them happen, and the endless procession of meal plans or menus at the end proved themselves to be fleeting at best.
Now , two of my children are involved with those moments in the lives of their own children. The other two are feeling the weight of the day's responsibilities in ever increasing ways the same as any other grown adult: too much 'to do' list and too short a day.
Remember to stop for just sixty seconds today, really gaze at your child or each of your children if you are so blessed and say to yourself, "This is the last day they will be this old." Then savour it. No... really savour it. Soon enough they will be gone and their only presence or demand will be a gallery of photos hung on the wall asking to be dusted.
No matter the demands of today, it is but for a moment. Remember to thank them for being your child.
Love,
Deborah
Moments that seemed so intense I thought time had stopped, decisions that seemed so weighty I thought the world's gravitational pulled relied on them, encounters so significant I envisioned ruining my childrens' adult lives if I did not make them happen, and the endless procession of meal plans or menus at the end proved themselves to be fleeting at best.
Now , two of my children are involved with those moments in the lives of their own children. The other two are feeling the weight of the day's responsibilities in ever increasing ways the same as any other grown adult: too much 'to do' list and too short a day.
Remember to stop for just sixty seconds today, really gaze at your child or each of your children if you are so blessed and say to yourself, "This is the last day they will be this old." Then savour it. No... really savour it. Soon enough they will be gone and their only presence or demand will be a gallery of photos hung on the wall asking to be dusted.
No matter the demands of today, it is but for a moment. Remember to thank them for being your child.
Love,
Deborah
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