Waiting

Oh my is that one of the all time most difficult concepts and processes to teach or experience? Waiting, as parents,

until:
they are ready to cooperate
they've thought of what they want to say
they can control their thoughts and emotions
for the doctor or dentist in a waiting room with not enough to do
at the shops when you want to hurry and they have to go to the bathroom and there's a line
until you have brought the necessary supplies into your abode to accomplish whatever it is they want to accomplish
for better times
for more resources
until you have calmed
for relatives to arrive 
waiting for someone in charge to pay attention

And for kids:
waiting for adults to listen
waiting for adults to understand
waiting to master something so you can do it right
waiting for time to pass 
waiting to be older.

OK...do you see the difference? For us adults, the focus is whatever we are waiting for. We know about waiting. We know how we behave when we handle it well. We know how we behave when we don't handle it well and lose our patience.

For kids, the actual act of waiting is something to learn. What does it feel like? What happens if it does work out? What happens if it doesn't work out.
Babies are lost in time. Toddlers are aware of time. Preschoolers are frustrated by time. Children are trying to make peace with time. Adolescents are tired of time and trying to defy it.  

How can you help the youngers ones in your life deal with waiting? Use all fronts: explain, describe, reflect, deflect, be a companion and model. 

BUT...the best thing you can do is be aware of when waiting is the issue and let it take it's course. 

Sometimes the best way to deal with waiting is to just let time pass.

Of all the unknown social skills that need practical mastery, waiting is the most powerful. Leaning to make peace with waiting as a daily necessity is optimal. 

Take five minutes to reflect. Everything else can wait.
Love,Deborah

The Learning Curve

Pardon my absence. This past October I tripped and fell and changed my life a bit because of it. Using a cane all the time has reminded how much I want to write to special needs parent's issues but ....

First I want to briefly remind you that your child and teen is always in learning mode. Not till late adolescent does their start to be a time of moving to a learning curve instead of impulse.

Let me explain. Yesterday I had some young friends on a field trip. We went to the Locks and watched three different loads of boats move up and down, four different kinds of boats. It was a fabulous stroke of good fortune to have such traffic.

The whole idea of water levels and tying up and casting off and then two different kinds of trains went by near by..... it was just a smorgasbord of new experiences. Nearby a mother with two children added in casual conversation, 'and it's educational'.

It reminded me to underscore with those of you with young children: Every minute of every day in your young child's life is educational. From how they chew to what they play with, routines, inventory, transportation, it's all educational.

Tweeners more intensely so as they add social skills and their personal relationship with themselves. Only in adolescence do we begin to see the shift into wanting to present mastery on a minute by minute day instead of the excitement of being a learner.

How can you support them as a parent? Reveal to the kids you care for that you too are excited about learning. It's a simple gift that costs nothing and will, frequently, get you off the hook from feeling inadequate as a parent.

They will embrace your enthusiasm and share even more closely. Truly.
Love,
Deborah