Leading From Behind

So, parenting is difficult, but there are ways to make it easier on yourself. For one thing, in this compendium of tips I give that is about parenting in low gear, using metaphors, keeping things simple, changing your expectations and just doing love, I add another...lead from behind.

Let's say a two year old is trying to get dressed. It's not an at home day. It's a go, go, go day. Or it's an errand day, or a work day for you and there's only so much time, or the end of the day.

Well, heck...let's expand a little bit. Let's say there's a child who wants to do something all on their own, or flip it, a teen that doesn't want to do something alone but is trying to get you to do most of whatever with them.

Where do you stand, emotionally, as you are in the engagement of a child, tween or teen working at something?

Behind. Stand behind them emotionally. In your view is the day ahead, or an easier way, or someone who is pressing you from your own life. That would make you think in terms of what lies ahead. You, as an adult can see the task finished, or the results of not finishing it. That perspective is not helpful for the situation as you move through the process of accomplishment , of whatever, with your baby, child, tween, or teen.

Leading from behind means you are in, what can be for adults, the frustrating position of watching your baby,child,tween, or teen, getting something wrong before a person gets it right. When they are babies, we think it's cute when they get something wrong. Not so much, past the age of one.

The two year old is going to put their foot in the wrong leg of the pants,inevitably. Leading them from behind is letting them get it wrong before they get it right. The child is going to be very certain the plan will work, the tween is going to be a little uncertain, the teen might not want to do it at all. Someday I'll be giving some tips about what to do when you are in a hurry. But most of the time, the fastest way to move through something is to let the child, the tween, the teen do it their way.

What they are doing is called mastery. Watching the two year old and giving a bit of side coaching if they're getting frustrated, hearing out a tween's plans and asking reflective questions, and for teens, holding the big picture when they can't and helping them break it down into smaller steps is leading from behind.

 First step is to just take a look, observe yourself and ask the question, am I standing in front of my child, tween or teen pulling them along, or am I standing behind them and guiding and encouraging?
And remember, parenting can be enjoyable. That's the point of all this.