Teaching Children to Tell the Truth

There you are, facing off a four year old, or a teenager. The stakes are high. They've been caught doing something 'wrong' . You find yourself filled with a need to be powerful , to be in charge, to be the parent and so you utter the fateful words. "Are you lying" and the kid looks back at you unblinkingly and says, "No"!

And no one wins. Everyone , at that moment, loses just about everything.

It doesn't have to be that way. Let me answer the question how you can construct conversations around moments like that so that it's a win-win and truth and love are the operative ingredients?

There you are face to face. First thing...change your body position. Sit. Beckon the child or teen closer to you. Physically move yourself out of a power position and into a conciliatory position.

When they are close, say to them"We have a problem on our hands.  I think you did ....whatever...and I think you think that if you admit it you're going to get in trouble. I want to let  you know that whatever your answer is you won't get in trouble. There will be no consequences if you tell the truth."

Magically the child says, 'Oh! how wonderful for me! I can tell my parents any and everything!" and deep conversation happens. Not quite. Especially if you are a long ways into childrearing.

But start at eighteen months or two years and make telling the truth fun and a relief and a way to build a deeper relationship and have more love from Mom and Dad and there's an inroad.

Telling the truth fun?! Yes....if a family's idea of fun is being close together relationally.  Telling the truth is a trust issue at first. It is the biggest building block for trust. Later on it becomes a moral issue. Why? Because where trust is broken, usually there is some moral ground lost.

Let's back the scenario up. Youngster...18 months or two years old....
Question:--- "Did you take the truck into you room at naptime when I said we need to keep it in the playroom (living room, family room?). Child looks uncertain....
Adult"Why it's important for me to know is because I can take better care of you if I know" That is something the child wants at that age.
(Possibly) nods head 'yes!'.
Adult- "Do you know why I wanted to know?"
Child shakes head in the negative...
Adult-"It's my job to help you learn to sleep. If you have your truck in your bed and are playing with it, then you can't sleep well."
You have taken the focus off the issue of the weight of the truth and put in on the process of telling the truth.  Start with the process, not the weight....

Think on this....you are training a child that it is SAFE to tell the truth....That is what you want to build.....
I know, I know... a million questions and I'm not going to cover remedial truth telling right now...ask your questions in the comments section...
Next time I'll cover remedial truth telling.
Love,
Deborah