The Never Ending Question

If you notice, the pattern starts when they are just learning to babble. The sound cycle is repeated as they look intently at your face. They expect that when they use sound you will watch their face and their eyes. They hold your face in their chubby little hands exploring the lips that move with sound coming out and the attending smile as the newness of chatting with them has not worn off.

And then words happen. You don't always look at them when you are talking. Suddenly you are in some situation in which you are concentrating and you don't even notice the same question has just been asked of you maybe four or five times. Your focus is intent beyond them, but your ears are alert to their words. The question is asked...let's say it's maybe...'Why does butter melt?"  a factual interrogative. You answer, 'Because it's warm today.', pat yourself on the back several times for multi tasking and attending to the child in your care, perhaps your own, perhaps someone else's, and then hearing the question again you answer again.

On the fourth or fifth cycle, something in the back of your brain tells you this mountain has been circled before.

Your response? 'I already answered that'. Full stop . Only it isn't. The question comes again. Now there's a blank stare.

This is not a phenomenon limited to toddlers or preschoolers. In fact it becomes more frustrating as everyone ages. In elementary age it is annoying, tweeners...frustrating, teenagers...cause for ire.

So what gives? How do you answer the question so they stop asking?

Quick tip. You don't. The answer is not the problem. Their hearing, their listening is the problem.

Take two minutes when you notice the repeating pattern and ask them what they heard. Blank stare in response? Repeat your answer once directing them to look in your eyes and listen carefully. Ask them again what they've heard. They may be confused now because they weren't really listening to what they said.

So repeat the question/answer one more time helping them focus their listening. Direct them to pay attention to what they are hearing.

See...the problem arose because nobody was engaged. The dreadful truth about any kind of conversation is that there has to be a fairly direct degree of engagement in order for it to happen effectively.

Them repeating the question is their acknowledgement that you aren't engaged with hearing with your whole being, OR to be fair, they aren't engaged with their own speaking.

If you go the route of 'I already answered that' a power struggle or war of words ensues.

Instead...break the cycle and hit the reset button by making the focus of the engagement more pointed.
Truly...easiest way out of this. And then gradually, incident by incident, they develop a habit -- and you do too- of paying more attention during conversation.
Try it. Worth a shot. Better than the alternative.
Love,
Deborah