Unconditional Love

The irony is I am putting together a rather formulaic, choose your own parenting adventure, kind of manuscript and curriculum for parents of all ages of kids.

The guiding principle of it all, however, rests in the very erratic nature of children's growth. Their emotions make any development roll out unpredictably and with uncertainty.

Therefore, I wish to remind everyone that the key ingredient in any parenting situation is unconditional love.

Yesterday morning I saw a mom in a restaurant who alternated quickly between loving affirmations for her , what appeared to be, seven year old girl, and teeth clenching edicts meant to intimidate and control.

See, that just isn't going to make it. Offering your child unconditional love means you are always going to be the steady one. Before you take the guilt train, yes, there are going to be two or three days in each season of parenting where you have a less than stellar moment that amounts to 'because I said so.'. If you have poured your heart in the majority of situations, in reminding yourself you are the grown up, and beyond any technique, love your child the most when they deserve it the least, you will have it in the bank to be able to apologize and reset the situation.

I'm not talking about hitting or verbally abusing your child, I'm talking about those moments when you use a snappish tone, short circuit directions or have a minute when you realize you are about to lose it and take a breath.

Offering unconditional love on a daily, minute by minute process means you have trained yourself to remain steady and delighted in your child. THAT is what shapes them. If they feel your delight, they will go towards your instruction like a moth to the flame. If they feel your respect, they will work hard to get over their lack of desire to do what you are asking or suggesting and turn their little train of willfulness towards the station master.

Give them what you wish you were given as a parent. Would you be a better parent if someone came in and chastised you for not being fast enough at learning the tricks of the trade or understanding some aspect of their development? Well, so too will they be slowed unless they feel your love for them. They do not know any more about being a human being than you do about being a parent.

Find their love language and make that the biggest part of your day with them.

Take notes and see what works. Repeat, with Joy and ....Love....