Returning to childhood in thought and empathy enough to do good parenting is exhausting. Connecting with yourself so you can connect with your child is exhausting. Keeping the adult parts of your life going so you still have a little bit of a life, be it work, or volunteerism or some little passion or concern that delights and preserves some sense of self is exhausting.
Caring for children and teens on so many levels is just exhausting. Looking back and seeing all the ways I was pulled and needs I supplied that weren't my own and responsibilities I fulfilled because they were 'have to's' I wonder how I did it all.
The fact is you're pretty much in drone mode when you are parenting. Happy drone mode, but robotic nonetheless. Mindful parenting is a goal, but the reality is from dawn to dusk it's go, go, go.....
How does one do all that needs to be done, be relational, be mindful, How do you carry a load as cumbersome as parenting and keep your focus in a split screen world?
Laughter and delight....
If there is one tracking system you need as a parent, it's the laughter and delight journal. Making those two elements part of your goals will keep you centered where you need to be to give the best you can. Sound counterintuitive? Do you associate laughter and delight with times of relaxation and recreation? Exactly!
If the measure of accomplishment is paying attention to that which holds wonder and lightheartedness, it will keep you out of the channels of despair and frustration. Little things will be just that, little things. Big things will seem more doable.
Try it for one day and see where you are on the weight of parenting. Keep a simple log of your daily activities and what brought a smile to your eyes and heart and what made you laugh. It may seem an unlikely suggestion to add one more detail for attending, but if it's the right detail, like a delight and laughter record, then it can make all items seem better focused.
With a split screen, or picture in picture, it isn't the CNN report, it's the rom com in the little window, that lifts and moves our hearts....the same with parenting.
Love,
Deborah
About Me
- The Social Contemplative
- What does it mean to be a social contemplative? A person who has spent a lot of time reflecting on a very busy life with diverse experiences that have , in spite of herself, yielded a lot of wisdom she wishes to pass on to others. Deborah loves people but recharges her batteries alone. Sitting in the presence of her own life is mandatory. Reflection and centering happen in the midst of the whirl of a populated world. Born on the East Coast, living all her adult life on the West Coast she is a hybrid of cultures. She is a mom, a writer, and a teacher who sings, reads and swims for fun. And yes she is ordained, but don’t hold that against her. She believes we are more than conquerors and most days there’s a smile on her face because she deals with life in real time. She’s a whole lot funnier than this description makes her sound. Lastly, it’s important to know she’s a paper and pencil gal in a digital world.
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