Special needs, special parents

Yesterday I went to see a showing of the movie "Deaf Jam" at our local parks and recreation building. It was part of the Community Cinema organization.

This was immediately after hosting my own showing ( as the director of LGC Educational Services) of that wonderful movie 'Batteries Not Included' starring Jessica Tandy and Hugh Cronyn. That movie was shown because of my belief that sometimes movies can be a vehicle for opening up discussion about topics in families that are not all that easy to open up in the natural occurrence of events.

Yesterday's three questions announced before the showing of 'Batteries' ( based on the movie content) were:
How do you define family?
What needs fixing in your life?
Do you believe in miracles.

As soon as everyone had left the theatre and I had collected the DVD I proceeded to the 'Deaf Jam' film.
Alzheimer's is a big part of the 'Batteries..." film plot and suddenly I'm switching to the ASL oral vs sign debate. Special needs, special needs, special needs everywhere. If you don't know what the initials AGB signify in that debate, research a little and widen your scope of cultural debates. I say that in the most positive way.

The very use of the term 'special needs' begs the division over the word 'disability'. Ultimately, although it is a public debate, the answer for each family, each individual, is privately chosen, or surrendered to depending on the course of one's life.

The fact is there is 'mainstream' . That's the average. No one's really average, but it's the projected, edited version of life that advertiser's and business people aspire to because it helps them focus their marketing.

Having been a special needs persons ( with the injuries I acquired in a childhood car accident involving a drunk driver) and the mother of special needs kids ( both adopted at the age of five and then their two siblings who are birth kids having to get used to adoptive issues) and one who serves special needs families (everything from physical to emotional to cognitive disorders) I  know personally that if you deny there are special needs in your life you're drowning even before you start swimming!

So... let's start the day with a compromise. Suppose we acknowledge there are many ways to go through life. Each journey is special. Not every journey falls into the 'norm' or the 'perfect'. Some of that difference is imposed by nature, by nurture, or by self imposed life choices.

Let's start with just putting the emphasis on engagement. Each person sets as their goal developing the ability to engage with others so we can hear each other's stories. Let's acknowledge that each person has a different relationship with their own story in personal context and in the context of whatever they define as their family.

And let's begin to believe that a miracle can occur in this world. The inside story of 'Deaf Jam' is that the friendship struck by the hearing and the non hearing girls is that one is Palestinian and the other is Jewish, from Israel. And they are both in America doing this extraordinary pairing of their lives.

Let's make that the kind of 'special needs' circumstances to which we focus our attention. Ohmygosh would that not make the biggest difference ever in the world.
To get you started... the initials AGB stand for Alexander Graham Bell.
Love
Deborah