Baby Nice Nice

I have a new wee one I get to hold a lot. It's brought back such wonderful realizations about babyhood and engaging and bonding. And tears... how could I have forgotten how many tears a baby sheds?

To some of you, tears might be a really bad thing. They make you tense don't they?  I say to myself when I hear a baby's tears, "That child can certainly speak for himself or herself!"  Listen to tears as language, conversation.

Later in life baby tears, our tears, become mood and context specific. Before speed, tears ARE speech.

So...when that moment comes when the tears provoke in you a reaction of despair and questioning, think of them as an ill articulated speech. If a child or another adult speaks so you can't understand them, do you go to that place of annoyance or despair? No...you say, "what? Could you say that again?

Watch your baby's mouth when they aren't crying. You will see the lips moving to try to imitate your sounds. That's the key to tears. It's the non-tears, other moments of engagement and communication that will give you a new handle on tears.

What do I mean?  This moment...you are holding your baby so your faces are touching and his or her little mouth is moving and they are smiling and you are speaking gently and you are just oh so in love with that little person and they do that wide open mouth first little kiss thing where you put your cheek up to show them how and all is at peace ....THAT is where you ground yourself when they start to cry endlessly.

You will gradually be teaching them how to express discomfort and displeasure and anger and sadness. Keep your voice soft and supple, take a few breaths for relaxation and disengage enough to be the adult. It will help the most when you are exhausted. Remember to make the most of baby nice nice.

Soon enough their tears will be about more complicated situations than a wet bottom or a tummy ache or a hungry tummy or the inability to put themselves to sleep. Enjoy the simplicity of the possibilities, create many moments of Baby Nice Nice and prepare for seasons of relational tears, and discouragement tears, and inadequacy tears. What a change from the days when saying the long vowel sounds could help entertain!

Love,
Deborah